The following list was politely rejected by McSweeney's:


Manhattan Neighborhoods I Discovered While Searching for a Vacation Rental.

by Trey Miller


WeBroEHu: West of Broadway, East of Hudson. The Fertile Crescent of high art and public hipsterism.

Rose Murray Hill: Where Rose Hill and Murray Hill meet, you can eat the perfect $25 hamburger while having your fortune told; and you'll still make your train to Connecticut!

TriBeGreViSoHoTribeca: The Triangle between Greenwich Village, SoHo, and Tri[angle]be[low]ca[nal]. You must be this hip to enter.

Chelsea Clinton's Kitchen: Most of Manhattan's "Midwest." There's something here for everyone.

BeNoSoHo: Between NoHo* and SoHo*. Sometimes just called "Houston" or "Ho" for short, this unusual neighborhood is less than a block wide, and runs the entire width of Manhattan. Tourists should note that while the street from which this neighborhood derives its name is pronounced "HOW-stun," the neighborhood itself is pronounced just like it's spelled: "houston."

Ansonia: Ansonia.

EChiToSoLita: East of China Town, South of Little Italy. Just northwest of heaven.

Carnegie Hill: How do you get to Carnegie Hill? From Trenton, take NJ-129 to US-95, which feeds NJ-495 into the Lincoln Tunnel. Come out of the tunnel and turn left on 40th. Take another left onto Madison, and then turn towards the park anywhere from 86th to 96th Street. If you don't turn in time, you'll find yourself in Spanish Harlem, so watch out! Also, practice.

LoMaWiaNa: An irregular polygon made up of the portions of Lower Manhattan that are Without a Name. This barren wasteland, where I can only assume no one lives or works, is bordered by the East River, the Financial District, Chinatown, and Coop Village.

Telegraph Point: This infinitely small space without dimension exists only theoretically, adjacent to Radio Row in Lower Manhattan. The name is an allusion to the "dit" notation used when transcribing the shorter of the two sounds comprising morse code.

Van Buren Rhombus: A small area contained by the non-abutting borders of Lincoln Square and Columbus Circle. No one using the internet to book a short-term rental will find anything here they can afford.

*If these names are taken literally, all of Manhattan can be divided into two neighborhoods: SoHo and NoHo. However, a categorization this broad makes it very difficult to distinguish the hip people from the rich people, and impossible to identify the ultra-rare hip and rich.