Every line of this news report is solid comic gold. Here's a sample:
…well, the latest projections, based on the Jigga-Man's career trajectory suggest that we're headed for disaster. He's already gone from ghetto anthems to Frank Sinatra-style ballads, which seem to indicate we could be looking at unprecedented levels of cheesiness…a lot of people just don't want to believe the possibility they might be caught listening to saccharine rhymes about the joys of fatherhood from the man who once put out bangers like "Money, Cash, Ho's"