Stereotypes Are a Real Time Saver



Admit it, you want to give a dollar to see the outtakes.

I love the top comment at the YouTube page:
All Africans play rugby and 3/4 of Africans have careers in clinical medicine.
via Chris Blattman. See also.

A Frog Sitting on a Bench Like a Human

Nothing more, nothing less:



via MetaFilter.

Furniture for Inanimate Objects

What do you get for the d-bag whose bag already has everything? A piece of furniture for the bag, of course!

On Range

Pat Dryburgh, quoted in full redacted slightly:
Not long ago, I was trying so hard to sing like Ben Gibbard. Just as I had once tried so hard to sing like Dave Grohl, as I had tried so hard to sing like James Hetfield, as I had tried so hard to sing like Billie Joe Armstrong.
But they weren't in my range.
Pat's conclusion:
Your most reliable work will always be within your range. Go just a bit outside of that to show your passion and stretch yourself. But go too far beyond that and you'll be so strained that ultimately the work will suffer.
This is an elegant way of restating and illustrating the principle that Steve Jobs made famous: for everything you say "yes" to, there are innumerable things you're implicitly saying "no" to. If you want to be your best (as a company or a person), you need to learn to say "no" to a lot of seemingly good things. Then, you can apply your whole self to the best things.

'I gave him some key points...'

Reminds me of the Vonnegut scenes in Back to School.

Flashback

I haven't commented on the Flashback for Mac malware issue, because I've had nothing original to add to the discussion. That, and I assume it's of little interest to my reader(s).

This seems noteworthy, though: about 85% of the infected systems have been repaired in the space of about 2 weeks. When was the last time you heard about anyone effectively cleaning a PC of malware?

'You don't wanna get rich AND die tryin'…'

This should be good. When Doug E. Fresh comes in at 1:35, I'm instantly in middle school again.

How to Drive Your Wife Crazy

Albert Einstein was many things: mathematical genius, visionary scientist, philosopher, sartorial ne'er-do-well. Let's add another descriptor to that list: asshole

In his defense, though, Condition D is a perfectly reasonable request. And, let's be honest, Condition C.2 is just a good all-around rule for living. And what husband hasn't wanted to play the Condition B.1 card from time to time. Frankly, come to think of it, A.1-3 are pretty appealing even if they're a little sternly worded.

Wait. Maybe I'm an asshole too. I've always suspected as much, I just never realized how bad it was 'til now. Maybe Einstein was just ballsy enough to own his assholery by putting his demands in writing. Then again, ballsy assholery is not exactly the Secret to a Happy Marriage.

Texting While Walking

How fast did this guy's heart rate accelerate between 0:13 and 0:18 in this video?

Questionable Conduct

So, conductors really are important. At least, according to one high-profile conductor.

But let's be honest with ourselves: this guy is totally phoning it in.

Idle Hands

If idle hands are the Devil's workshop, then what is this?



Thanks to Alece and Alec for sharing, and for not mocking me too much because I hadn't seen it before.

'I'm Crazy About Music...'

Unless there's a cure for alzheimer's in the next 30-40 years, this is going to be me. Of course, I'll be a pasty old man with liver spots, not an aging jazz man like Hank.

I just hope my grandchildren know which playlist to put on.

via Kottke.

Pretty Pegs

Brilliant idea: replacement/alternative legs for IKEA furniture. How did this take so long to happen?

'Navy SEALs do.'


Marc Parent writes the best pice of non-fiction I've read in a long time:
"I heard you went for a run yesterday," I said to Bronco. I took a bite of chicken and nodded. What I'd actually heard is that he had run mile repeats pushing a car, did a five-mile cooldown jog wearing a 100-pound pack, and finished off with an hour of sustained kickboxing. "I've been running a little myself," I continued. I took a sip of the beer. His eyes narrowed and grew serious. "So, you know, I'd love to join you at the end of one of your workouts if you'd let me tag along." He shifted to face me and lowered his head.
"What are your goals?" he said.
I made a squawk of some sort and began to stammer. If you're suddenly asked what your goals are by someone who is not joking—whose eyes are pinned to yours, who is a Navy SEAL—you're abruptly thrust into a lightning-round assessment of your entire life that leaves you giggling in a high, unattractive way. "My goals?" I said. I looked at my beer and chicken and thought about how I'd like to lose weight. That would sound stupid even if my hands were empty. No self-respecting guy tells a Navy SEAL he'd like to fit into smaller jeans. I struggled to say something. I could tell him I'd like to try to be mighty. I would like to be a little more epic, every now and then...
The entire story is phenomenal.

Thanks to Steve D for passing this along.

Every Jump

Every jump of the General Lee, taken from six seasons of vintage broadcast television (embedding disabled). How many Dodge Chargers were harmed during the Dukes of Hazzard's production run? It depends who you ask, but probably somewhere between 250 and 325(!). Or, on average, more than one per show(!!). Read the entire wikipedia page for lots more interesting information, including this bit of trivia:
LEE 1 was salvaged out of a Georgia junkyard in August 2001 by Travis Bell and Gary Schneider. The car has since been fully "restored" to its on screen appearance. It was officially unveiled to the public November 11, 2006 with John Schneider behind the wheel. It is now owned by PGA Tour golfer Bubba Watson, who purchased it for $110,000 at the Barrett-Jackson automobile auction in January 2012.
via Daring Fireball.

Casa Corallo

Beautiful.

The Times, They Are a-Becoming Quite Different*

So, the real Springfield is in Oregon.

Here's how we know The Simpsons will be over soon: if this news broke twenty years ago, it would've been an ALL-CAPS headline on the 1992 equivalent of the Drudge Report (which was what, a newspaper?) and every evening news show would've led with the story. Today, it barely elicits a follow-up question (although, hats off to Claudia De La Roca (any relation? unlikely...they spell and pronounce their names differently) for noting that the exact location had never been revealed before).


*see also, Eat up Martha.

Art Lesson

Chuck Jones, on drawing Bugs Bunny:
The simplest way, if you're gonna draw Bugs, the best way to do is to learn how to draw a carrot and then you can hook a rabbit onto it.


Reminds me of Annie Dillard's advice on spotting a deer in the woods, but I can't find the exact quote anywhere. The gist of it is, as I remember it: look for the deer-shaped holes, not the actual deer.

via SvN.

Slowly Twisting in the Wind

The Marshall Dorm Fridge: how did it take so long for someone to think of this?

Related news: Jim Marshall, who invented the eponymous amps, died recently.

Almost-totally unrelated They Might Be Giants verse that comes to mind every time I see a Marshall amp:
She's not your satellite - she doesn't miss you
so turn off your smoke machine and Marshall stack
she doesn't have to have her Young Fresh Fellas tape back
there's not a lot of things that she'll take back

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (in a Room Full of His Paintings)

Thomas Kinkade has died at age 54. One of his fans eulogized him on Twitter:
Rest in peace, Thomas Kinkade. May your afterlife be as beautiful as your art.
Ironically, most of his detractors probably wish him the same fate.

My opinion of Kinkade's work would be unpopular or offensive to some people I love dearly, so I've resisted publishing my essay "Thomas Kinkade: Pornographer of Light™." (Thesis: Kinkade's portrayal of light in his art is a distortion to the point of idolatry, just as pornography is a destructive distortion of true sex.)

Technically, my "essay" is just a catchy title* and a thesis. But be honest: shouldn't the rest just write itself? As it turns out, no; but the AV Club did publish an obituary that hits a lot of nails on the head, and will probably serve as my final excuse for never swinging the hammer myself. It may just preserve some of my dearest friendships too.


*And I owe that title to a friend (who I won't name here unless he asks me to) who once remarked: "I'd rather find porn under my son's mattress than a Thomas Kinkade painting on his wall." I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating, but the juxtaposition got me thinking.

Dissonance

A better writer than me* could produce either a hilarious send-up or a heart-rending deconstruction of this screenshot. Here are some notes to get that writer started:
  • I'm surprised the NYTimes is still running slideshows in this genre. It seemed like they jumped the shark with their "Brooklyn Trust-Fund Hipster Distilleries"piece a couple years ago.
  • The first half of the caption reads "Ian Knauer, a food writer who lives in Brooklyn, makes soft-boiled eggs with watercress on crostini with eggs from his hens..." Assuming this wasn't written by an intern, we can trust that the verb tense was chosen judiciously. Was it Ian, then, or the caption writer, who wanted to project this subtle pretense with the present tense "makes"? As if this is his morning routine...soft-boiling eggs just-so, hand-crusting the crostini, and foraging in his backyard for some watercress; then snapping a perfectly lit photo of each plateful before devouring it. Just be honest and say he made it especially for your photographer on a Tuesday afternoon.
  • Note that this slideshow is ostensibly about the "urban farming movement" but the second half of the caption reads "...which he keeps on his family’s farm in Pennsylvania." You can't fool me with those yolks. Those are rural eggs. At best, they may be suburban. They're not part of the Movement, though!
  • Finally, I note the ad that was served up on this page: "Help the Obamas stand up for working Americans." You know, the hard-working cement truck drivers and forklift operators who barely have time to choke down their own soft-boiled eggs with watercress on crostini before they run out the door for work, let alone go online to drool over someone else's.

*Or is it "than I"? A better writer than myself would know for sure.

Narnia

If you don't go out and do this right now for your child, you are a crappy under-achieving parent. I don't care how much you spend on strollers and preschool. Shame on you.

...at the Met

Adding "...at the Met" to anything should make it instantly classier:
  • I was eating a six-pack of Cinnabons...at the Met.
  • I had a job interview in the afternoon, but I hadn't showered in a couple days; so I scrubbed down with some paper towels and hand sanitizer in a public bathroom...at the Met.
  • For some reason, I noticed a lot of red lint the last time I cleaned out my belly button...at the Met.
See?

And, mathematically speaking, highbrow art + lowbrow comedy should be at least middlebrow cultural fare.

So, why do I feel so dirty when I laugh and laugh and laugh at this?

Empty Sky

Jersey City 9/11 Memorial. Perfect.

Trike Drifting

Local News

Least informative news story ever? I mean, really. Technically, it's neither "news" nor a "story," but it was published on the website of a legitimate news outlet. And re-tweeted (as of this post time) FOUR TIMES.

xkcd: Formal Logic

This intersects four of my favorite things: xkcd, bumper stickers, honking, and logic. Grand Slam.

Catching up on the Simpsons



via Kottke (speaking of), and he's got a good breakdown there.

Miscarriage of Justice

Jokes about miscarriages are never funny. Except when they are jokes about hypothetical future miscarriages. And if that sad day comes, the joke won't be funny anymore, so enjoy it while you can!

Them Robots

First they came for the auto workers, then they took over Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. How long before this guy takes Danny MacAskill's job?

Mini iPad

This is the first credible explanation I've seen for how/why Apple might release a smaller iPad (or, if you prefer, "another bigger iPod Touch, but not as big as the really big iPod Touch called the iPad").

Also, for what it's worth, I have yet to see a compelling case for why Apple would ever produce an actual TV, as in the big, expensive flat screen you hang on your wall and replace every decade or so. I can imagine the AppleTV as we know it getting better and better, and maybe even becoming the only thing that your wall-mounted TV is tuned to, but the idea that any normal person would go out and replace their $2,000+ HD display with a new one just because Apple made the new one beautiful is crazy to me.